Just remember to pause the music
to be honest, I’m fucking scared of everything
see. I’m fucking scared of debate. When will I actually decide to face this fear and not be scared of it anyway?!
oh, and I start taking back my meds again
My feeling is like sand, friend. Both you and I cannot expect me to wipe it away and it will disappear when we desire to.
(how much I care)
My boyfriend attempted to suicide again (not by choice). And to be honest, can people like us even make a choice at that moment? My parents told me to stay away from you since we started because they worried both about me/ and you/ and our children if we will ever marry. But then they decide its such a long term decision and hope that this is all youth play. What they don’t understand is they can’t expect me to ignore my emotions to make clear decisions all the time. Parents, the other day, I read on a blog somewhere that the best decision is judged based on the ratio of happiness vs pain. You can’t expect me to choose your decision with that much pain.
(We never can choose to come to each other anyway but we can choose to stay)
Parent, you try to put in my head the all those ideas about a husband that gives me a steady income, a husband that gets along with me well and never argues, a husband that actually cares about his family and helps with housework. (And deep inside, I know you hope that I will finally find a husband that is a foreigner so I don’t have to go through all those pain of trying to stay in a strange country, a country that is not mine). You want all the best things for me, except for love. Mum, you told me you didn’t come to dad because of love, and now you’re disappointed with his qualities that don’t meet your expectation. But mum, what if I am like you. And even if I ever find a husband with all those qualities, wouldn’t I be so upset if I don’t have love?
And right now I have already kinda given up to life when I start thinking that I can’t ask much and I should settle and be happy with what I have